


retirement home

by brandywine421



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2020-08-11 02:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20145718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brandywine421/pseuds/brandywine421
Summary: "Why are you having second thoughts when I'm not?  I dressed up like an old man and everything to make this work," Steve said."It just seems sudden," Sam replied.Tony whistled and abandoned Steve at the imminent threat of emotions.  "Five years shouldn't feel like a long time to me, Sammy, but - I can't do this anymore. This whole saving the world thing, it's - I want to just try living in it for a while," Steve said."And he has a plan, he's just keeping it to himself," Bucky said, opening one eye accusingly from his 'nap'.Steve flipped him off while Sam sputtered. "Not helping - and the hypothetical retirement plan is completely hypothetical."Sam turned and put both hands on his shoulders. "You're an asshole.""Hey, Captain America doesn't use language like that," Steve warned, ducking his friend's swing.*Steve buys a gym in Hell's Kitchen for reasons.*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes it's nice to just write and not worry about RL. *shrugs* I miss Steve. I miss Matt. I fail at self-care but here's some fluff where everything is nice and nothing hurts.

"I'm really sorry to have to ask, Steve - "

"Because you've already asked me multiple times already?" He threw an arm around Sam's shoulders and jostled him. "Go ahead."

"_Retirement_, dude."

"It's going to be great," Steve beamed.

"**GREAT**!" Natasha called from the pilot's seat.

"And I know you think I'm abandoning you with full custody of a problem child," Steve started, smiling wider at Bucky's double middle fingers from his 'nap' on the weapons bench. "But - "

"He really has answered this question tons of times," Tony announced, swaggering in from the back. "But to remind everyone - again- he didn't have a funeral or a public death notification like me and the Widow - he's got an open door policy for getting back on the field."

"Blasphemy," Bucky muttered without opening his eyes. "Not even for backup, give him his pension and fuck off."

"What he said," Steve nodded. "Why are you having second thoughts when I'm not? I dressed up like an old man and everything to make this work."

"It just seems sudden," Sam said.

Tony whistled and abandoned Steve at the imminent threat of emotions to join Natasha.

"Five years shouldn't feel like a long time to me, Sammy, but - I can't do this anymore. This whole saving the world thing, it's - I want to just try living in it for a while," Steve said.

"And he has a plan, he's just keeping it to himself," Bucky said, opening one eye accusingly.

Steve flipped him off while Sam sputtered. "Not helping - and the _hypothetical_ retirement plan is completely _hypothetical_. I'm going to get so fat, Sammy, it's going to be amazing."

Sam turned and put both hands on his shoulders. "You're an asshole."

"Hey, Captain America doesn't use language like that," Steve warned, ducking his friend's swing.

* * *

Steve followed Natasha into the lawyers' office without knowing what she had planned. Tony and Natasha were helping him out while they plotted their own exits and identities. Tony already had a super-secret home to go back to and a wife and daughter to keep him out of the skies; and Natasha seemed eager to 'live in the world' herself for a bit.

He had a feeling she'd be tracking down Nick Fury sooner rather than later but for now, she was taking him to meet a 'friend of a friend' that would make or break his retirement plan.

Steve rarely doubted Natasha but her 'friend of a friend' wasn't friendly at all when he ordered them into his office and closed the blinds.

"The **fuck**, Natasha," Franklin Nelson asked directly, flinging an envelope at her. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"It's - "

"Matt's not allowed to accept large sums of money from ex-girlfriends living or _deceased_, I'm his lawyer and you have my full attention," Nelson said, crossing his arms firmly and glaring daggers at Natasha who was visibly surprised.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware Matthew - "

"He's not allowed to even ***speak*** to ex-girlfriends that call him 'Matthew', so _again_, you can talk to me or get the hell out of our office."

Steve turned to Natasha with a questioning look. "You said this guy was your friend."

"Friend, _sure_, when she didn't even tell Matt who she really was - he still doesn't know because you had a weird accent when you were trying to recruit him - "

Natasha recovered from her shock at the man's outburst, catching on to a point that Steve was still missing. "You recognized me when my file leaked, didn't you?"

"Of course, but Matt - "

"Matt knew I was undercover but he never made me tell him who I worked for, just told me to leave. I broke the 'no knives in the bed' rule too many times," Natasha said, raising her chin. "But you didn't tell him that you recognized me, did you?"

"We weren't on speaking terms at the time and you weren't on my radar. Why are you on my radar now?" Nelson demanded. "He's finally getting his shit together - FINALLY - and now you're turning up?"

She leaned forward. "Matt's my friend. I trust him, do you know how rare that is for me?"

Nelson paused. "Probably as rare as it is for Matt but I'm still not letting you talk to him until you talk to me first. What do you want?"

"Steve's my friend. I trust him. I would like them to be able to trust each other since, as you mentioned, I'm dead."

Steve groaned. "Wow, way to make me sound like a loser."

She nodded her head toward him. "He's the reason I'm dead." Foggy blanched and she smiled. "Not that way - asshole let them give me a funeral before he brought me back, don't start going soft now."

Steve pinched her, appreciating her startled squeal and knowing he had enough goodwill left to get away with it. "Please, ignore her, she brought me here under false pretenses, obviously. I'm recently unemployed, Mr. Nelson, and I was told there's a gym nearby that your partner has been paying the lease for a few years but didn't have the money to open it up."

Foggy glared at both of them, but at least he had color back in his cheeks. "You want to buy Fogwell's?"

"And stay off the news and out of the streets," Natasha added. "He wants to do that, too, right?"

"Right," Steve rolled his eyes.

"So telling Matthew - " Natasha started.

"Stop calling him that, only his mother gets to call him that and only because I'm not allowed to yell at her," Foggy narrowed his eyes.

Natasha narrowed hers in return, holding his gaze. "His mother's dead."

"Oh wow, so are you," Foggy snapped. Natasha raised an eyebrow but finally deferred with a nod.

"Natasha _thought_ her friend would like to know an ex-Avenger would be hanging around and maybe buying his favorite gym," Steve said. "Not sure why a lawyer would care but - "

"You're still forever on my shit list, Natasha," Foggy said, taking out his phone and tapping frenetically as he spoke. "Do you know how Matt handles breakups?"

"Dramatically, I assume," she smiled, relaxing and winking at Steve.

"You have no idea. Captain Rogers, it's an honor to meet you and I hope we'll be friends when I don't have to be mean and scary to Matt's ex but I have a duty to my best friend," Nelson said. Steve completely understood that. "Are you working for the government in your un-death or taking solo work?" he asked Natasha pointedly.

She perked up. "Definitely not government, I was planning on taking a vacation. Why?"

"I was keeping tabs on someone before I got snapped and now - I can't catch up to her. Since she's also dead and all," Nelson added.

"Oh, _absolutely_. And you don't even have to ask me to keep it between us," Natasha said.

"Great," Foggy said, holding out a USB stick. "I was hoping you weren't here to drag Matt into something, they kept the fucking firm alive while I was gone."

"Matt wasn't snapped?" Steve asked, wondering why Natasha hadn't mentioned a friend in Hell's Kitchen before.

"No, and it's up to him if he tells you anything else. He ran the firm with Karen Page, a not-dead ex and Marci Stahl who almost married Foggy once," Natasha answered, pointing to a framed photo on Foggy's desk.

Foggy held up his hand triumphantly to show off his ring. "Nut up or shut up."

"Congratulations, please send my condolences to Marci," Natasha smiled.

Foggy glanced at his phone and stood up. "Okay, Matt will be here in five minutes and you can make your introductions. No promises on how he'll take the Avenger reveal, though."

"Leave that to me," Natasha said.

"Is there a reason other than Black Widow's meddling that's bringing you to Hell's Kitchen?" Foggy asked.

Natasha laughed under her breath. "You should show him your sketchpad."

Steve glared at her. "That has nothing to do with - "

"Sure," she muttered. "Nothing at all." So maybe he had a tiny obsession with Daredevil and his exploits over the years but it had nothing to do with settling down here. He just liked the neighborhood.

Foggy stood up and unlocked his office door, opening it with a flourish. The framed photo didn't do justice to the two blondes and the brunet standing in the lobby. Steve allowed himself a moment to appreciate the tableau before standing up to be polite.

He hadn't realized Matt was blind until he spotted the white stick, the sunglasses were more than an aesthetic.

"This is unexpected. Foggy?" Matt said. "Explain."

That gravel growl was _unexpected_ and sent warning signs to his libido. Yellow alert acknowledged.

"Matthew," Natasha said. "Long time."

Instead of a flinch or a blank look, Matt seemed to relax, rocking back on his heels with a slight upturn of his mouth. Red alert.

"She's got a pulse and everything so you're allowed to talk privately," Foggy said.

Steve wondered how often these lawyers ran into dead people.

"Behave," Natasha hissed at him, stepping into the office beside Nelson's.

He watched Matt follow her into the office and glimpsed a familiar curve of the lawyer's backside that made all Natasha's hints make sense.

Foggy cursed under his breath when the door was closed, turning to him with an exasperated look. "Do I really need to see those etchings she was talking about or do you regularly ogle strangers?"

"I know that ass," Steve blurted out.

"_SHUT UP, STEVE!_" Natasha called from inside the office.

"Captain Rogers, hi, hello, I'm Marci, would you like some coffee or legal representation?" the shorter blond asked cheerily.

Cheerily dangerous, he realized when the other blonde turned on a matching grin with extra teeth.

Shit.

* * *

"He'll eat you alive," Karen said. "Seriously, he's way too dark for you."

Marci nodded. "Yeah, you only *think* you want a bad boy, when really it's not worth the time and energy."

Steve frowned. "I'm insulted right now."

"That's not what your eyelashes say," Karen replied. Her eyes widened in unison with Marci. "Oh shit. You think we challenged you - "

"We take it all back," Marci said. "It's not hard to date Matt at all, everyone does it at least once."

Steve grinned and possibly cracked his knuckles. "No, please tell me more. I'm totally interested."

Foggy froze in the doorway with the coffee. "Are you telling secrets already? Is Matt still locked up with the spy?"

"See, you can't hit on him because he used to date your friend," Karen said.

Foggy hummed thoughtfully as he sat down but Steve wasn't as frightened of women as he used to be. "Nope, because it's been over five years since they saw each other - at least - so it would be allowed under best friend rules," Steve said. "I sincerely apologize for objectifying your friend, though. I need to make a good impression."

"What does the Black Widow want with Matt?" Karen asked quietly.

"Steve's moving to Hell's Kitchen and she doesn't want Daredevil to think he's invading his territory," Foggy said easily.

Marci and Karen considered this with matching tilts of their head. Foggy sighed and banged his head once on the table. "Seriously, five years away and they pick up all of Matt's habits like ducklings - it's like the Twilight Zone."  
  
Steve lowered his voice without thinking. "I kept up with Daredevil and the Brooklyn Spider after the Snap, well, when I made it back stateside anyway. They did good work."

"Do us a favor and _never_ tell them that," Marci whispered. "We are very supportive of our local police and emergency services and would like our friends to stay the fuck off the streets unless absolutely necessary."

"Amen," Natasha said, appearing in the door. "Steve, if you're done gossiping, Matt's going to show you Fogwell's while I finish your side of the paperwork."

* * *

"What are your intentions with the gym?" Matt asked, addressing him for the first time in their short but silent trek to the boarded up building.

Steve saw the faded boxing posters put under glass years too late and knew instinctively this was the right choice. "I'm not turning it into one of those Fitness Planet places. Probably won't even open it to the public, referral only."

"Why?" Matt asked.

He ran his hand across the patched punching bag that he knew he would break in a warm-up. "I'm going to do some art, finish my psych degree and learn how to do art therapy with vets or kids, or both. I want to find another way to help that doesn't require me to live on a plane or go to space to punch aliens."

"So you're buying a gym?" Matt asked, adorably confused.

"I'm buying a building with a gym, yes, and I can work out without anyone knowing I'm enhanced. Like that guy stuck to the wall," Steve smiled, motioning to the kid perched on the wall obliviously bouncing his head to the music in his earbuds.

"What about that guy?" Matt asked and Steve followed the nod of his chin to the opposite corner where a bulky soldier had a rifle pointed at him.

"I wouldn't allow live ammo in the common areas," Steve replied. "How many dead people do you have hanging around, by the way? Because I'm going to get a wizard to put a spell on the whole block and I need to know if necromancy should be in the fine print."

"Is Dr. Strange really a wizard? I thought he was a neurosurgeon with an inconvenient name," Matt said after a beat.

"Red, what's going on?" Frank Castle asked, the rifle replaced with a handgun.

"This is Steve. He wants to buy the gym - "

"**And** let the locals know that I'm just Steve and not here in any official or public capacity," Steve added, offering his hand. "Thank you for your service."

Castle blinked at him but finally put away his sidearm and shook his hand firmly. "You're not here to bust our balls?"

"I'm retired, I don't give a damn what you do as long as you don't do it in here. But I will also retain the right to harass all clients about self-care and coping techniques if necessary," Steve added.

"A friend of Frank's has meetings here twice a month," Matt said.

Steve shrugged. "Maybe he can schedule more with some funding but that's to discuss later."

"Why are you asking us at all, you could just buy the place from the bank," Matt asked finally.

"Because he doesn't want the devil chasing him out of town," Frank replied.

Steve turned to Matt. "It's going to be a slow burn project. Nothing's going to change right now except you won't have a lease to pay every month and I'll be living in the apartment upstairs."

"We've possibly been using that as a safehouse so you might need to hire someone to get out the bloodstains," Matt said after a beat.

_"Oh my God, Matt? What's happening?"_

The Brooklyn Spider looked younger than Queens which was slightly _harrowing_ but he pushed all his thoughts down when the kid hurried over. Matt looped an arm around him easily. "This guy wants to buy the gym, what are your thoughts?"

"Are we under arrest?" the kid asked.

"Nope," Steve replied. "I don't even want your real name on file, just emergency contact number, blood type and level of radioactivity."

"Got a Geiger counter in the office," Matt said.

Convenient.

Brooklyn Spider puffed out his chest and held out his hand. "Miles Morales, it's an honor to meet you, Sir."

"Back at'cha, Kid. I know a guy that's going to be real upset I got to meet you first," Steve grinned.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, I hate putting chapter counts now because it's like adding another thing to my to-do list but I don't want to mark it complete when it's not. 
> 
> Thanks so much for all the kudos and comments - seriously - every time I start to flagellate, someone clicks a kudo or taps out a supportive comment and gives me the XP boost I need to keep going.

A quick walkthrough of the upstairs and a couple hundred bucks slipped to Frank assured him that he'd have a clean place to sleep while his beard grew in and he tried to forget about another almost end of the world. The colorful murals that Matt didn't mention and Frank and Miles both made shushing motions when he noticed, were a mystery he was going to enjoy solving.

Anyone that could do that kind of work with spray paint was someone he wanted to meet and interrogate thoroughly.

"Frank's not actually around a lot, he just happens to be in town right now," Matt confessed on the way back to the office.

"And the kid?" Steve asked.

"He is around a lot. He's got a great family as far as I can tell, but we've spent the past couple of years doing our best to keep them out of his Spider business. He's really worried the other Spider-Man's going to kick his ass."

"Queens is going to lose it when he sees this selfie," Steve grinned. "Off the record, I don't think he wants to kick anyone's ass, he just wants to be friends. Once I get my new life set up, I'll probably give him an invitation to the gym."

"And you really aren't going to set up a landing pad or something on the roof in case you need to run off to fight monsters?" Matt asked.

Steve laughed. "Nope. That would cancel the whole retirement part, wouldn't it? My friends will only visit, well, for visiting. Sam's going to be a great Captain America and Bucky will have his back. Dr. Strange and T'Challa are going to pick up the slack when they can because of their travel tricks but I'm completely off the hook for apocalypses and intergalactic wars until further notice."

Matt swung his stick and tapped the door of the law office, opening the door for him. "Let's see how far Natalia has gotten with that new life, then. I'm not comfortable putting an Avenger's number in my phone, but I'm definitely asking for yours when I'm sure we're not being conned."

"You've got a lot of trust issues."

"And you don't seem to have enough," Matt countered.

"Nat gave you a glowing referral, even if she left a lot out of the packet. I'm relieved you're more than just a lawyer, I had some doubts," Steve said. He got the door to the inner office to take advantage of the view when Matt stepped through first but was immediately distracted by the laughter from inside.

Natasha seemed to be enjoying herself with the ladies and Nelson and he wondered exactly how much money she was exchanging to make this work. He regretted his worries though when he saw them looking through college pictures on an oversized tablet. He didn't think Natasha went to college, but some things couldn't be blamed on photoshop.

"I'm afraid to ask what happened while we were gone," Matt said.

"Natalia was telling us how you were one of her first marks for SHIELD as a baby agent," Marci said. "And I was telling Foggy and Karen how she was the absolute worst sorority rush I ever dealt with."

"Excuse me, Matt, I need to see all these photos," Steve announced.

"I think Natalia might be a nice identity to revisit," she told Steve. "I may have retained the legal services of Stahl, Page, Nelson and Murdock while you were gone."

"Nice, maybe they'll give you a referral to the gym when you're back in town," Steve joked.

* * *

Matt promised to put the word out that he was friend not foe and gave him a set of keys to the gym even if it would take a couple of weeks for the paperwork to trickle through all the appropriate offices. He had a feeling it would be a bigger adjustment for Daredevil et al to adjust to his presence in their impromptu headquarters than it would be for him to sleep in a strange new place.

He said goodbye to Natasha at the airport, had tea with Dr. Strange and Tony before saying goodbye to him and collected his final thoughts in the frozen food aisle with Bucky berating him for making Sam maudlin in his ear.

Retirement was totally going to work. He'd been to space, the world was a lot smaller than it used to be and he could see the friends he had left whenever he needed with a tap on a screen. Even Thor or Nebula - in space!

He'd done his duty, taken his full discharge with honors that people could see in a museum if they cared and now he could grow a beard and start a life where his job wasn't the center. Where fighting wasn't the only reason he was getting paid. Where his superstrength wasn't the only qualification to hold the job.

He was going to learn how to help people without punching, how to make art on a canvas instead of the margins of military notebooks. He was going to learn how to date in this century.

He was still optimistic and not desperately lonely when he climbed out of the cab in front of the gym.

The side door wasn't locked and he headed straight to the apartment, pleased that it smelled like bleach and lemon cleanser instead of sweat and old blood. The fridge had some take-out boxes that were recent enough to still work as snacks for the original owners so he pushed them aside to load up his purchases.

He heard movement downstairs and figured he should say hello and maybe even get started on that whole dating thing - he was going to find out if Daredevil's mouth tasted as good as it looked.

Still, he jumped when Matt appeared in the hallway at the base of the stairs in his fitted black pants and top complete with knotted ropes. Matt gave him one of those crooked smiles and Steve forgot about his wooing strategy and almost went back for his sketchpad. "Hey."

"I warned the regulars, but I've got a few dusted friends hanging out and I might have to leave you unattended for a bit," Matt said.

"I don't need a sitter, but I was hoping to hang out with you at some point," Steve replied.

"That's definitely going to happen, but since everyone came back, nights have been busy again. I'll introduce you around and run through the rules," Matt smiled, notching his head to the side to encourage him into the main room.

"Rules, sure," Steve said, suspicious. He gave a general nod to the room, not recognizing most of the people but claiming a seat beside Miles who actually seemed welcoming.

"Yeah, Murdock, what's this BS about rules?" a wiry brunette asked, studying him with dark, sharp eyes.

Miles answered, raising his hand eagerly. "I know this. If a cop turns up - we all pull our hoods up and turn our backs to the door."

"That's one way to get shot in the back," Steve commented without thinking.

"You sound like Castle - must be a soldier thing, we're working on trust. Misty Knight, hopefully it's nice to meet you, Captain - "

He shook the woman's metal hand without flinching even as he cut her off. "Just Steve. I'm retired. Why do we do that, Miles?"

"Because the cops don't get to cross the line and they can't see us from the window - but we can see them on the monitors, and like, Matt hears everything," Miles shrugged. "They tell us what's going down that they can't handle."

Matt walked the small circle, pausing to swap out the brunette's glass with a beer. "Steve, this is Jessica, that's Luke and Danny, they were all missing. Colleen, Misty and Miles worked out the system when they were hanging out."

"She's an ex-cop, of course she'd want to be all cooperative," Luke said.

"I'm back on the force, asshole, had a helluva time cleaning up your mess so you should be grateful I'm letting you sleep on my pull-out couch," Misty scolded.

"I wasn't sure how much you worked with the police," Steve admitted. "The Accords made it extra dangerous for what you guys were doing."

"Most of us had to shift our allowed casualty counts to play nice with the Devil, so falling in line with the po-po was cake," a new voice replied, walking into the room with two gleaming blades dripping blood, no, something black and sticky but not -

"Wade, don't drip that shit in here, take it to the showers - the fuck is that, the Hand?" Matt asked, frowning darkly as he flared his nostrils.

"Worse - the other extremity's popping off at the Docks, figured you'd want to know."

"You're Deadpool," Danny said, blinking at the newcomer who made finger-guns in approval.

"Shower, then meet and greet," Matt groaned. "Misty - "

"I'm making a call to see who's on it - not the Hand, so the Foot again?" Misty asked, tapping her phone.

Jessica lowered her head to her hands and Steve knew he'd be inviting her to one of his group sessions. She needed a hug, but at least Luke rubbed her back and didn't get punched so there was room to grow.

"They don't need backup, Deadpool left them enough to arrest," Misty replied.

Colleen moved into Steve's space. "You can just retire whenever you want?"

"I am over a hundred years old. Yes," Steve replied.

"Fair enough. You're in great shape," she said, flushing.

Danny lowered his head to match Jessica and Luke raised his free hand to pat his back.

"They've got some looters out near your dorm, mind dropping me off halfway there?" Misty asked Miles who pulled his mask down and his hoodie up.

Steve turned to the three out-of-time guests and sat down. "I'm sure you have a lot of questions about what happened then and what happens now. I didn't get dusted, but I spent seventy odd years in an iceberg and I'd like to help."

"You're way too nice to win over Jessica, but Danny and Luke are marshmallows," Matt said.

Something must have flashed on his face at the sound of the Devil's growl because Wade reappeared in a fresh suit and a wicked swagger.

"Come on, Double D, let's go beat up some reanimated ninjas, what do you say?" Deadpool cooed, lazily draping his body around Matt and giving Steve a teasing leer with his cartoonish eyes.

Jessica raised her head and looked directly at Steve. "Do you know what happened to the prisoners on The Raft?"

Oh. "They shut it down a couple of years after the Disappearance. Did you know someone - "

"My sister. I know she deserved to be locked up but - she's still my sister," Jessica said in a stilted voice.

"Hey, let's talk about it and I'll see what I can find out for you. Family's family," Steve said.

Matt squeezed his shoulder. "I'll catch up with you later, if you're awake."

"Oh, he'll be awake," Deadpool muttered, ducking Matt's swing and baiting him out of the building.

Colleen laughed softly at him. "You gotta dial it back, dude, Matt's going to know you're giving him the fuck-eyes."

"Good, I'm throwing my best game," Steve said.

"Christ, then you need more help than we do," Luke said.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

He jumped up like a rocket when the phone rang, pressing it against his ear before he got his voice together.

"Um, Captain America, sir?"

"Just Steve. How are you, Peter?"

"Oh, good! How are you?"

Steve flopped back on his couch now that he had shaken off 'the phone is ringing emergency' adrenaline. "Currently failing at retirement. Dating is so hard - wait, how old are you again?"

"Um. Twenty one, counting the snap?"

"Sixteen, then, forget I said anything. What's on your mind?"

"Oh. Wait, if you're having issues with dating then there's no hope for me - "

"I will do great if I could just get to the dating part, but I don't think he likes texting and there are always tons of people around when I get to see him. I feel like everyone's staring at me and then I can't get the words out." Steve remembered that he was talking to a kid.

"Oh. Mr. Stark said you were living in New York now and that I should call you - " Peter hesitated. "If I needed a pep talk."

"I'm not that peppy tonight, Queens, but I'd like to talk. Let me put you on the list and then I'll send you the address," Steve said.

"There's a list?"

"My place is a sanctuary zone - I don't want you throwing hands with the Brooklyn Spider because he didn't know you were coming."

Peter let out a hiss of relief. "Exactly - that's - I don't even know what crime I'm allowed to fight, it's like the vigilantes organized or something while I was away."

Well. He flipped on the monitor Frank had installed in his apartment and checked to see who was in the gym before switching on the intercom to catch Miles' attention. "Hey. Got a friend incoming, cease fire?"

_"All right, adding a John Doe to the list, roof or alley entrance?"_ Miles waved back. Kid was here most days after class and could work Frank's boobytraps faster than he could explain it to Steve.

"Roof's fine," Steve replied, switching off the intercom and raising the phone again. "I'm texting you the address and can meet you on the roof."

"Wait - this is in Hell's Kitchen, Cap and I don't think the Devil likes Spiders."

"Just don't fight any crime while you're in his zip code until I make introductions, all right? Do you need me to call you an Uber?"

"Oh wow, no, I'll - see you in few."

Steve switched out his sweatpants for jeans and tugged on a shirt before making his way upstairs. He'd considered doing a roof garden before he'd seen the place but there was an elaborate obstacle course that was too much fun to remove for silly plants.

He didn't have to wait long for Spider-Man - the OG - to swing over to him on the bench. He embraced the kid even if he was Tony's pet pupil and the kid hugged back so he considered it a good choice.

"Tony did visit before he left town, right?" Steve asked as he led Peter down the stairs.

"Yeah but he didn't tell me how much everything had changed," Peter admitted. "He said he'd been in hiding so maybe he didn't know but there's only so much the Internet can tell me - holy - "

Steve didn't have the kid's 'Spidey-sense' but Matt's sudden appearance by the doors jolted a breath out of him a moment later.

Matt raised his roped up hands with a wicked grin. "Sorry, just checking out your plus one for future reference."

"There's no need to scare him, he's just here to talk," Steve scolded him. Matt shrugged in apology but that daring grin stayed in place until he pushed back his mask.

"Do I know him?" Matt asked, leaning in close. Peter was still in his full suit but pushed his mask back to match Matt's trust move, not that it made a difference to the devil.

"Probably not," Steve said, amused as he saw Matt in action, flaring his nostrils and tasting the air like a snake.

"Maybe I don't know you, Kid, but cards out, I possibly have met the woman that does your laundry. Are you - _Queens_. Huh. You don't **smell** like a spider. Hey, Miles - he doesn't smell like a spider either!" Matt called over his shoulder.

_"Making a note! Wait, is that Cap's plus one?"_

Peter glanced at Steve with wide eyes as he slowly processed that Matt was blind. "What do spiders smell like?"

"Nothing, but don't tell him," Matt smiled. "You here to fight?"

"Please **_no_**,_"_ Peter shuddered. "I'm so confused."

"Matt Murdock by day, nobody you'll need to meet by night, nice to meet you." Peter shook his hand like he was accepting his death sentence.

"Peter Parker."

Matt hummed. "I think I met your aunt about possibly representing you apart from Stark, about five years ago. Were you both - "

"Snapped," Peter said sadly.

Steve squeezed his shoulder.

"I've got a little more experience with spiders now so make sure you get my number to pass along to your aunt before you leave. And be nice to Miles," Matt said, drifting into the main part of the gym. His voice echoed through the swinging door a moment later._ "Get down from there, you look ridiculous."_

"Isn't he blind?" Peter whispered to Steve.

"It's complicated but yes. God, he's so hot."

Peter looked up at him. "Dude, I need advice and everything but I feel like I need to ask if you're okay."

"Of course, I'm retired," Steve shrugged. "Come on, there's nothing to worry about."

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha.

It took twenty minutes of Peter and Miles whispering in the rafters for Steve to reconsider - they had plenty to worry about. The two Spiders were fast friends - fast like a chemical explosion ready to blast off. He was trying to focus on Danny and Colleen's current relationship imbalance but he wasn't tuned out of his surroundings.

"Miles," Matt called after minute twenty-five, waiting for the kid to drop down on a web and dangle in front of him. "What did we say about sewers?"

"They're dangerous and spiders aren't allowed to go down waterspouts unattended," Miles replied.

"Then why are you telling him - "

Miles flashed a glowing smile. "They don't live in the sewers anymore, they totally got their own place."

Matt turned around with a weary expression and Colleen left the counseling circle to go to his side. Matt leaned his head against her shoulder and whimpered dramatically.

"What's that about?" Danny whispered to Steve.

"I don't want to talk about it. Miles isn't supposed to talk about it," Matt mumbled.

"He's not talking about it anymore, no such thing as turtles, all in your head," Colleen says, giving Miles a threatening look. "If you want to introduce your new friend to those - young, balding, green - people, then remember to use words that work. Words that don't include 'turtle'." Matt shuddered again.

"We had a raccoon on our space team, but turtles?" Steve considered aloud. "Wouldn't they be too slow?"

"Mutant turtles, the X-Men want none of it," Miles offered.

"Miles, please," Matt groaned.

"You're being speciest," Miles accused. "What did they ever do to you?"

"Their sensei insulted his honor, we've been through this, your friends don't have to be his friends. None of us are required to talk to Frank or your - green friends."

"Gonna punch that rat in the face," Matt grumbled.

"No, you're going to come sit with us and let the children talk without meddling," Colleen soothed with another warning glare at Miles who snickered and webbed his way back to the rafters.

Matt dropped into the seat beside Steve and snatched his hand. He tried not to flush but, well, he'd blame the serum. "Turtles are small, slow and don't speak English - not - they have fingers, they're not turtles if they have fingers," Matt said, shaking Steve's hand to prove his point. "Fingers and walking on two legs and - not turtles. Not Turtles, Miles!" 

"Got it, boss!" Miles called down as he continued to mime that, yes, they were turtles, to Peter.

"Please warn me if you invite them to the gym," Matt sighed, releasing his hand.

"Sure, if you promise not to set up a kiddie pool and a rock because I'm sensing you have some unresolved - amphibian issues," Steve said after a beat. Colleen choked back a laugh before she glared at him. "Do we need to set up a session?"

"Is it make fun of Murdock day?" Matt complained.

"That's every day," Colleen said.

Danny glanced between them. "Their sensei insulted Matt?"

"Their sensei is a giant rat - shit, maybe I do need a session," Matt deflated.

Peter dropped down beside Steve with an awestruck expression. "Your friends are great and my aunt is totally going to hire Matt when he's not having an existential crisis. Thank you."

"Sorry I couldn't give you a better pep talk, but - "

"You can try again tomorrow, Miles and I are going to take a patrol," Peter said. "Specifically nowhere near sentient turtles or anything of the like."

Matt grumbled under his breath but didn't flinch when Miles dropped onto his back lightly. "I'll find out all his weak spots so you can train him later."

"Wait, that's not - "

"Race you to the next borough - " Miles interrupted - and they were off.

"Turtles, though?" Danny asked when the underage duo were gone.

Matt slung his arms around him. "I missed you, Danny. Please stop being emo and come back to us."

Danny hugged him back with a confused expression but promised to do his best.

Colleen held out her phone and showed off a selfie of her and Misty surrounded by, well, giant turtles. She put her finger to her lips to keep him quiet but he reconsidered his counseling plans for several of his new prospective friends.

* * *

The blondes descended on him a few days later, pushing tagged clothes into his hands and manhandling him into the bathroom.

"I think too many people have keys to my place," Steve said as he reluctantly started sorting through the clothes.

"Maybe but the gym was unlocked and the stairs lead right in - we tried to call first," Karen said through the door.

Steve waited.

"Okay, so we didn't, Natalia said it would be fun to ambush you but it's for a good cause," Karen amended.

Marci's voice chimed in as he shimmied into the new jeans, thankfully in the correct size despite the struggle. "We were slammed with cases before the Un-Snap and Matt's nights have been a mess for years but we had an office meeting and agree that this whole courtship thing needs to happen."

"I'm trying my best," Steve protested.

"Sure, sweetie, you're doing great, but you still haven't decided if you want to bang the Devil or give Matt flowers - " Marci said.

Couldn't he do both those things? Eventually?

"What you need is some one on one time, in a supervised setting, of course, to get to know each other. So you're having lunch with Matt, but you have to pick him up from the church and have lunch at Theo's," Karen picked up.

"I can plan my own dates," Steve protested, checking himself out in the mirror. Dammit.

"Sure, but we can help and it'll keep Foggy blissfully out of the loop before he tries to get involved. I need him to be concerned with my romantic needs, not Matt's."

Steve steadied himself for the battle to come and opened the door, letting in the pair of meddling women who went to work untucking his shirt and messing up his neat hair. "Does Matt even know about this?"

"Ha," Marci replied.

"If you make it through the church, you'll be golden," Karen promised, linking her arm with him to match Marci and guiding him out.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more of this *eventually*.


End file.
